This blog needs written, and is long overdue. I'm writing it in the haze of not knowing really what day it is, when I need to sleep or when I need to wake up, or if I'm hungry or not. Mandy is making me some cafe mocha on the grounds that I will go back and read in bed with her. I know that I will fall asleep, even though I only just got up a few hours ago...or did I? Time is irrelevant, I sleep when I'm tired, I wake when I'm not. I'm hungry in a vague way, I think of $3 pizza as an unreachable dream, and content myself with nibbles on bread.

I know it's going to get worse, like the depression and rut I found myself in when Mandy had her job at Calltech. She's finally found another one - and another one on top of that, probably....and will be working her ass off so we can pay the landlady all our money to not evict us, so we can have a place to sleep and lose a couple pounds from not eating. (We've done this before.) In a few months we'll probably be better, more financially able. But that doesn't stop me from feeling like we've taken two steps and gone back three.

I could talk about all the things I want to do, but honestly...we're not going to do them. Maybe, someday...I can talk about how I'm going to go buy this or that book or go to this or that place, but it's just not feasible right now. Right now is the limbo of life, and I suppose we're going to have to beat it to gain our breath back.